Happy New Year!

Or, school year, that is.

The week I thought would never come has come at last (flashbacks to Mary Dupuis as Mae Peterson in Bye Bye Birdie: "It's come at last! At last it's come! The day I knew would come at least has finally come at last!"). I wouldn't say I was particularly looking forward to it, but I wasn't dreading it either--packing up all of my stuff, running last-minute errands, and final good-bye dinners with everyone has consumed my life the past few weeks.

So since I've been bogged down with dreams of 50% off Staples coupons, 2-for-1 binder deals, cheap apartment buys, and packing all of my possessions in portable containers, I've decided to devote my last blog post for the month (since I'll most definitely not have time to write one during FrOG week) to s-c-h-o-o-l because my graduation year is getting closer and closer, and--let's face it--I'm a little scared.

Dear Calendar Year, 2012:

It would be really wonderful if you could slow down just a tad.

I know you're just itching to ring yourself in Jan. 1st 2012, but me not so much.

I'm not sure if you noticed, but I've already turned the big 2-0, had my emotional breakdown for doing so, and moved on. I don't know if I can handle another major milestone just yet, so just cool it. I'm already too old to read Seventeen Magazine and I've come to accept the fact that soon my mailbox will be littered with AARP newsletters and my subscription to Better Homes and Gardens. Let's not get any grey hairs soon out of spite, okay?

And also, it would be wonderful if you could just hold off on making your grand appearance anytime soon. I'm a junior now, in case you hadn't heard.

I'm not too thrilled about being pummeled into the Real World, having to "make it on my own" and grow up.

So maybe you could take a vacation for awhile.

I hear Venezuela is nice this time of year.

Or Barbados.

Or a galaxy far, far away. That'd be my preference, but hey--your call.

Anyway, just kick back, take a few sedatives, maybe sleep it off a couple of years...whatever floats your boat.

Heck--there are already rumors that you're ending the world. You just don't have to rub it in all the time. Give the other years a chance.

They've even made movies out of you.

Horror movies.

Plus, to make matters worse, some pretty scary things have been happening to us the past couple of years (i.e. sinkholes, oil spills, locusts, and fashion disasters).

I don't even want to know what you have in store for us.

So maybe you shouldn't be showing your face around here just yet.

All I'm asking is that you just take your time getting here and let me enjoy my last few years of adolescence.

Okay, post-adolescence. Whatever.

Thanks.

Love, Erin

Check Out:

operationbeautiful.com.

You're welcome :)

"It's your life, what you gonna do?

The world is watching you.

Everyday, the choices you make

say what you are

and who your heart beats for."

Hey Joe

I was going to devote my blog post today to inventions (specifically the VHS/DVD Player...I mean, how strange is that? How do you even come up with that?), but then I realized that if you're a new blog follower of mine, and you happened to stumble upon my blog and my lame blog post on inventions is the first thing you read, you'd be greatly disappointed.

And probably never follow me. And you'd laugh.

So I've decided to spare you all with what would have definitely been a rousing interpretation of inventions, and will instead attempt to tickle your fancy with an insightful blog post on the untouchables in the job industry of America.

A-hem.

This morning, as I trudged into work at 7:00, half-asleep and stumbling through the door of the office in a semi-drunken sleep-stupor, I saw a deeply-tanned man with a hedge-clipper just choppin’ happily away at a rhododendron bush in the parking lot. He was just doing his thing—a little snip here, a little watering there, until the hedges were pristinely manicured.

I’d never actually noticed that we even had a rhododendron bush in the parking lot.

Anyway, when I went to get the mail at lunch, he was still out in the 100 degree heat, watering the plants and picking up trash left by the drunken Pour House regulars last night. He gave me a little wave as I walked to the mailbox, so I decided to say hello.

Apparently his name was Joe. And he had been working in this area for close to 15 years, and was trying to raise enough money to bring his family over to America from Mexico.

But I don’t want this post to get all profound and sappy, so I’ll spare you the details of his reality-show-worthy-life-challenges.

Instead, I’ve decided to take the opportunity to (hopefully) enlighten you all in an effort to give the under-acknowledged a little well-deserved acknowledgement :)

Ever heard of a Septic Engineer? That’s a lovely little title for a repulsive, underpaid job. Day in, day out, being called into houses to take a look at the piping, unclog the drains, determine the problem. Then, after that job is done, the Engineer will comprise a new blueprint for whatever septic system would work best in the house, and install it himself. Doesn't sound gross to you yet? Well, just think: experiments.

An obvious second would be your neighborhood garbage collector. Think it’s annoying having the garbage truck BANG and CLANG outside of your house at 3AM? Try being the person who has to wake up earlier than 3AM to drive a disgustingly unsanitary truck from suburb to suburb and manhandle your kid’s dirty diapers, soiled napkins, and 3-week-old leftovers.

Do you know someone who’s a lumberjack? If you don’t count Paul Bunyan, you most likely don’t. That’s probably because they spend all their time outdoors in isolated areas, work in terrible weather, and get paid minimum wage for hours of back-breaking, hot, and highly fatal work. I did a little quick research, and it ranks among the top 15 most dangerous and underpaid jobs in America.

I don’t want to get up on my soapbox and preach to you, because I’m so very far from perfect that I don’t have cause to do so. But I think if we just take the time to recognize those who deserve a little recognition—whether it’s a janitor, or a waitress, or even someone who lent you a smile—we’ll spread a little love to the world.

Because, no matter what, everyone could use a little love :)

Jumping Through Hoops

"Hold your horses world. I've been hearing all kinds of rumours about someone being cast to play me in a film about Richard and myself. No one is going to play Elizabeth Taylor, but Elizabeth Taylor herself. Not at least until I'm dead, and at the moment I'm having too much fun being alive...and I plan on staying that way. Happiness to all.

I would like to add something to my earlier tweet. Always keep love and humility in your heart. Never let yourself think beyond your means...mental, emotional or any otherwise. You are who you are. All you can do in this world is help others to be who they are and better themselves and those around them. Give. Remember always to give. That is the thing that will make you grow. That is the thing that will give back to you all the rewards that there are. Don't do it for yourself, because then it becomes selfish. Because then it becomes about yourself...which is wrong. Giving is to give to God. Helping is to help others. Every breath you take today should be with someone else in mind. I love you."

Elizabeth Taylor wrote this on her twitter page not too long ago.

I love it.

I feel like, in just a handful of phrases, she summed up our entire existence as human beings--trying, desperately, to carve out a meaningful existence for ourselves in a world that will often prevent us from doing so. In our own attempt, we may prohibit or even thwart others from getting answers, getting recognition, getting mere acknowledgement.

Don't be quick to judge, or react; you never know what burdens someone else may be dealing with. The struggle to live a meaningful life is hard enough by itself, let alone with any unnecessary baggage. Physically, emotionally, or otherwise.

Be stronger and remember that trials can only strengthen your willpower to survive. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe in that. You can persevere, you will, and you'll benefit from it.

I promise.

And I implore you all; never, ever think you know someone enough to judge them according to your perception of them. Because you don't.

My favorite English professor once told me this analogy concerning literary works, but I think that it applies to people as well. We are all onions...we have a thousand, a million layers. You may peel one away, maybe two, exposing new things and learning new quirks. You can educate yourself on their habits, their dreams, their emotions. But it takes a lifetime to get to the center. The heart. The very essence of a person.

So never, ever assume. You just don't know.

I Just Realized

that I have a lot of pet peeves.

But I still tend to like a lot of people despite them.

How to Protect Your Computer From The Blue Screen of Death

Disclaimer: I am not a computer genius. Nor am I even equipped to handle your laptop at all. Having taken the aforementioned disclaimer into consideration, please read on. Be my guest.

This blog post is my one and only attempt to salvage my e-mail from spam. I currently have a whopping 1994 e-mails on my AOL account, and I just checked it last month. This is my plea to the masses to stop the insanity. STOP.

1. Dear Funnypicture67, I DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I’m also quite positive that no one—no matter how great of friends you may be—wants to get an average of 9 e-mails from you a day. No matter how hard you try, I don’t think it’s good conduct to bombard their inbox with e-mails from you. At least give the impression that you have a job. Also, I don’t know who you are trying to contact, but I don’t think it’s me. I’m pretty sure we probably aren’t friends, because if you knew me at all, you would know that I do not want to see nude pictures of anyone over the internet. Especially of Rod Stewart. EW.

2. When you misspell a word, it shows up in red. With a squiggly line underneath. That helpful little squiggle can save you from misspelling the word “penguin” in a professional e-mail to your boss, while also saving you from endless embarrassment when you accidentally add an extra “s” to the end of “as” in a “Happy Birthday” e-card to your 6-year-old niece. I’m not the Spelling Queen, but hey: It’s free, it works, let’s use it :)

3. A funny picture will never, ever magically materialize into a unique desktop screensaver no matter how many aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, or colleagues you forward that e-mail to. Nor will you win an iPad, Dell Laptop, or $1000.

4. Along the same lines, you will never, ever, ever have 87 years of bad luck if you do not forward that e-mail to 4893025732 friends in the next five minutes. If I receive another e-mail telling me that I will die tomorrow or lose my leg to Necrotizing fasciitis, I will re-send you that e-mail 15 times until you get Necrotizing fasciitis too. Plus I’ll break all of your mirrors. And put a curse on you.

5. No matter how important you may be, Bill Gates would never send you a personal e-mail. If it looks as though he has, you are most likely being spammed by someone who wants you to send them money or your first-born child. Bill Gates is an important man, and he cannot be bothered to send you a personal e-mail about investing in the next version of Windows Vista. Unless maybe you’re Donald Trump.

6. I really, really, really (times infinity) don't want to be forever flooded with those pictures of kittens that think that they’re human. It may have been moderately funny the first time that kitten used a “z” instead of an “s”, but I honestly can’t handle their gangster slang anymore. I’m sorry. I just can’t. If you send me one, you take the blame when I attach a Hitler mustache to your precious kitten and send it back to you. You’re just asking for it.

The internet can get a great tool for those who know how to use it; otherwise, it’s just another vista for the crazies of the world to continue their rampage to destroy the world with viruses, spam, and those godforsaken chain letters (which, in my opinion, are the source of computer viruses, and therefore should be avoided altogether). Please do not participate in the mayhem, and by all means avoid the blue screen of death.

Listen Up, America

“Cause when you’re a celebrity, it’s adios reality…you can act just like a fool, and people think you’re cool, just ‘cause you’re on TV” –Brad Paisley

Every time I hear Mel Gibson’s latest slanderous tirade or Alec Baldwin’s latest drunken rant or Lindsey Lohan’s latest arrest or Paris Hilton’s latest sex tape on TV, that song pops into my head.

Shows on MTV or NBC are quick to judge the actions of American celebrities with little to no actual incriminating evidence to convict them of whatever horrendous accusation they’ve come up with. Magazines fuel the rumors, whether true or false, with condemning pictures taken by paparazzi that camp outside their favorite restaurants, their children’s schools, their studios, their homes.

Could you imagine how difficult it would be to hide your minor family squabbles, health issues, or even daily emotions all day, every day, 365 days a year?

It’s unfeasible, really.

You wouldn’t be able to control your temper on a bad day, much less your most clandestine and personal opinions.

So, America, the next time you jump to conclusions and denounce the actions of the celebrity you love to hate, think about this:

To put it simply, human beings are not built to sustain extreme adoration. Fame is such an unnatural occurrence, it’s nearly impossible to achieve some level of normalcy when you’re crippled with celebrity status.

Just a little something to think about :)

Bon Voyage, I'm Settin' Sail.

Big, bright sun and fields of green grass. An endless sea of trees that filter out until there are miles and miles of ocean. Mountains, valleys, Midwestern grassland, railroad tracks, one-horse towns, big city lights, warm, sunny days and chilly, endless nights.

I could useeeeeeeeeee a vacationnnnnnnnnnnnn.

If you’re reading this and you happen to be one person short for a cross-country road trip, I’m your girl. I don’t care if it’s to Wisconsin or Las Vegas or Maine or New Mexico, I’m ready to pack up my stuff and hit the highway. I’ll even paint the “Or Bust” sign for the back of your Mom’s Volvo.

It seems like everyone I know has been somewhere exotic or exciting this summer—somewhere besides hot, sticky, humid Richmond.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the eight-oh-four; but summer means vacation, and I would pay good money to go on one.

But since spending money is scarce, I’ve had to live vicariously through the marvelous vacations of my friends this summer. So far, they’ve been to Disneyworld, Italy, France, South Carolina, Costa Rica, Bermuda, the Bahamas, Germany, New York, Jamaica, and England over the duration of the break, while I’ve been working 8-5, Monday through Thursday, May to August.

Okay, so I’m just a little bit jealous.

But also very, very happy for them :)

But, if you want to know how I’ve most skillfully used my time here in Richmond the past couple of months, you can either click here or read this brief overview of the life of Erin Brooks, ultimate connoisseur of Richmond summer festivities:

Movies: the Goochland Drive-In Theatre is a serious must-see for you last-minute I-better-do-something-with-my-summer procrastinators. It’s a good drive from Richmond (though it’s scenic), but they play anything from Grease to Despicable Me to Inception to, unfortunately, Twilight. Who wouldn’t want to get $2 hot dogs, $1.50 snowcones, and pay $7 for a double feature under the stars? Plus, it’s a cheap date idea :)

Festivals: we have the Strawberry Festival, the Tomato Festival, the Watermelon Festival, the Greek Food Festival, the French Film Festival…the list goes on and on. From great wine to good music to free T-shirts, there’s a little something for everyone. I almost always hit up the Strawberry and Tomato Festival in Ashland (I was runner-up for Little Miss Strawberry of Hanover in the 90s haha), but I’ve heard woooonderful things about each and every festival Richmond has to offer.

Sales: for all you shopaholics (and yes, I’m one of you) there are oodles of great sales in the summer. Saxons’ semi-annual sale puts Nordstrom’s semi-annual to shame. For you out-of-towners, Saxons is a giant Utopia of footwear in Short Pump that is most likely worth your time and effort to visit. Why pay $200 for cowboy boots when you can wait until July and get them half price? And for those of you who like to plan your fall wardrobe as early as you can, you’ll appreciate Nordstrom’s fall preview sale. I first experienced it this year, and I’ve never felt more like a movie star. I literally was whisked behind VIP curtains to check out this fall’s best goods, all for a discounted price. Satins, velvets, leathers, you name it—it was a shopaholic’s dream and a wallet’s worst nightmare. All in all, wonderful experience :)

Concerts: Innsbrook, my friends, is kick-A for concerts. This year Blake Shelton made an appearance, as well as Chicago, Earth Wind and Fire, Counting Crows, and Sublime. Nearly every musical taste is satiated during the course of the summer, and all well-worth the $20 or so. Throughout my 20 years on the planet, I've seen my fair share of live music, but I'll admit that there is simply no comparison to a good outdoor concert on a breezy summer night. Last year I saw Willie Nelson up-close and personal for under $15…where else can you listen to cheap-yet-classic live music and pick up a marijuana leaf shirt for a decent price?

Well, that’s only partly how I spent my summer…we also put a pool in, so as of mid-July, I’ve been basking in the sunshine, getting burned to a crisp, and enjoying the smell of chlorine in my hair.

Other than that, I'm ready for vacation.

That's All, Folks!

I don’t know if you guys noticed, but college is kind of a big deal.

When you’re a college student, people take your future very, very seriously.

It seems as though all of the conversations I have had this summer revolve around my future and what I intend to do with it.

Last night we went to my aunt’s house to celebrate my grandfather’s birthday, and while the conversation was picking up—I think we were laughing at something my 1-year –old cousin did with the neighborhood cat—my uncle decided that it was the perfect time to ask me about College Life and my capital-F Future. Laughing stops, people lean forward in their lawn chairs, crickets cease to merrily chirp. Scratch that record, ladies and gentlemen, because s*** is about to go down.

“You still planning on being an English major?”

Oh, no, of course not. I meant to tell you—I just submitted the paperwork and now I’m majoring in Clown Acrobatics with a minor in Fooseball Strategy. It was either that or Recreational Hypnotism, but I decided that my undying love for circus antics made Clown Acrobatics the obvious choice.

Ha.

I don’t know if any of you have ever been confronted with this question, or any derivative form of it, but after hearing that phrase over and over this summer, I’ve come to the conclusion that the world is not very welcoming to the common English major. There are no “ooh”s or “aah”s when you proudly announce how you plan to spend the rest of your life.

It’s a common misperception that the English major cannot exist outside the realm of libraries, classrooms, and cubicles for the local newspaper.

…

So, I’m a little at my wit’s end with the whole I’m-obviously-skeptical-about-your-future-Erin-perhaps-you-should-take-my-advice-because-I-know-what’s-best-for-you look that people keep flashing my way these days. I’m just kind of tired of it.

Or perhaps I’m just tired.

I don’t know.

All You Need Is Love

Everyone knows it, everyone wants it, everyone is confused by it.

Love hurts sometimes, and it doesn’t always make sense. Maybe you love someone who doesn’t love you back. Maybe the public perception of love isn’t as idyllic as it appears. Maybe love just doesn’t come in one size, shape, color, or background. There’s no handbook, guidelines, or rules to go by—it's always new and revolutionary, unique each and every time.

It shouldn’t matter whether or not you think he may be out of your league,

Or whether or not your family, your parents, or even your friends approve.

Love is something magical, something that should be fought for.

And no matter what the circumstances may be,

you should always root for love.