Southern Accents

Southern accents rule.

This lady just called the office to schedule an appointment, and she had the thickest Southen accent I have ever encountered.

You could nearly smell the fried chicken on the other end of the line.

To those of you from the North who don't have any idea what I'm talking about, Southern accents are like a chummy speech impedement, where the holder leaks unicorns and rainbows and other types of euphoria from their mouth as they speak.

Like this:

Please excuse my ghetto drawing on Paint.

Anyway, it is my inference that Southern accents could also be used as a subliminal form of mind-control, trickery, and essentially terrorist activity. They are so charming and wonderful that when someone uses one on you, you have no idea what they are saying. You just listen to the lyrical beauty that is their accent. So you just nod along in conversation, lulled into complacency, unawaringly agreeing to succumb to their every whim and fancy. For all you know, they could be an extraterrestrial zombie invader who is about to take you to their homeland as the main course for brunch.

Southern accents have that power.

But, ladies and gentlemen, that's not all.

This particular Southern Belle is hilarious. In-your-face, hey-what's-up, listen-to-my-accent, "Well-knock-me-over-and-buy-me-some-overalls!" funny. Last time she came in for a check-up, the French Open or whatever was on TV, and she preceded to sit in the dental chair and fist pump for her favorite tennis player for a good portion of the appointment. Not to mention the fact that she made loud (and quite suggestive) noises whenever her player scored a goal or made a touchdown or whatever (obviously I'm not too good with tennis) in the room by herself when we were attending to another patient, who then proceded to ask the dentist "What she was having done".

She's the sort of woman who talks at you really loudly almost to the point of yelling, but you don't really notice because she's hypnotizing you with her congenial Southern drawl. Listening to her accent is like being pelted in the face with balloon animals and confetti, while also being informed that you've won $1 gazillion from Publisher's Clearing House and as a reward you get to have the old man from the Six Flags commercial dance for you at your wedding.